Bedazzled

I was stuck to you

Tried so hard to shine for you

Thought you’d be dazzled

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Time Heals Sometimes

Hurt

Never really

Goes away ever

Just hurts less eventually

Maybe even not at all

Sometimes you stop thinking about it

But it always comes back, doesn’t it?

The Note

I wrote this while alive

But if I’ve died

Its fine

I was already dead on the inside

 

For the smiles I’ve caused

Remember me as such

Know that your happiness mattered to me

Because I was never happy much

 

And if I ever brought you to tears

Know that I was crying myself

I’m sorry for the pain I brought

I was asking the wrong way for help

 

If you felt I left too soon

I’m sorry I couldn’t wait

I dealt with so much under the Sun

I needed to find my moon

 

If I let you down

I just couldn’t keep fighting

I felt like I lost everything

And the future was much too frightening

 

Know that I loved you all

I just couldn’t pretend any longer

I tried to stay up but I’d always fall

All I ask is for you to be stronger

 

I wasn’t as strong as you thought

And for that I apologize

Our memories together will never fade

So remember our good times

 

If I fail in my attempt to be free

If I can’t be the same as I was before

I beg of you to pull the plug

Respect my dying wish and let me be

 

-Too Distinct the Poet

The Break Up: Aftermath

It wasn’t a dream. I just woke up wishing it was. What I wouldn’t do for a genie right now. My first wish would be that I didn’t say any of the things I did last night. I was stuck regretting it all but it just felt so good at the time. To get everything off my chest that I’d been bottling up for months. The way it all spilled out you’d think I was a soda factory. So why was I so hurt? A question I already knew the answer to. It shouldn’t have come out that way. My delivery shouldn’t have been so harsh. She didn’t deserve that and because of it our relationship is probably over. You should always be careful what you say especially when your upset. You should hold your tongue like you would a newborn baby. How could I ever be so careless? If the words were swords then I was throwing knives at her and her feelings where my targets. I’d done more than hurt her, I’d killed her emotionally. Why do we always hurt the ones we love? Is it because the expectations are so high? I’m really not sure but one thing I was sure about was that we were done. Arguments aren’t department stores, you can’t just take things back and everything is fine afterwards. What’s done is done. Maybe we both should have been more open. Then again it’s easy for me to say “we” when I’m the one who caused this. It only takes one small leak to sink a ship yet my statements were an iceberg and her emotions were the Titanic. A catastrophic event for sure. 1 month later…

Staring in the mirror trying to gather myself as I had for the past 30 days. Sometimes it still didn’t feel real. I had finished my novel which helped to take my mind off of her but I couldn’t help but see her as her designs were everywhere. In stores, on celebrities, in magazines and even on television. At one point it was us against the world and then Armageddon happened. Then it was only us against each other. Still staring in the mirror I was left with only a few thoughts…

Break ups are strange. Strange because the people who break up aren’t the same people who started a relationship. See, the goal is to continuously grow together. Unfortunately though, sometimes you only grow apart. In the end you’re stuck looking in the mirror feeling like not only is the person you’ve broken up with unfamiliar, but you don’t even know yourself anymore. 

-Too Distinct the Poet

The Break Up: Prequel (Part 2)

“Thanks for last night, babe.” She said as she left for the office. Knowing that she was happy meant the world to me. To know that she woke up happy because she was so pleased with last night made my morning even better. I had a lot of work to do as did she but we both started off on the right foot. I have a novel I’ve been working on seemingly forever. I was hoping to get it done soon and getting it to a major publishing company would be huge for me. She had to continue working on a dress design for some celebrity for an awards show. I can’t remember who but I know it would do wonders for her career if she could impress them so I was encouraging her every chance I got. I wanted her to be successful more than I wished it for myself. Well better get started…”Thank god you’re back!” I exclaimed as she walked through the door of our cozy 2 bedroom apartment. “Did someone miss me?” She asked playfully. “I most definitely did, you were gone for almost ever. I counted.” I played back. Truth is I actually did miss her. Nothing was better than her presence. Nothing. “So how did the writing go?” She asked concerned. “Pretty good.” I lied. I’ve had writers block constantly for some time now and I’ve really been frustrated but I’d never wish to make her apart of my personal problems. I wanted her to always be as happy as she was on our anniversary yesterday. “How was your day?” I asked hopeful. “She loved the designs! She wants me to make the dress ASAP that way we can get it fitted. Then if something happens we can do altercations accordingly.” She was excited and I was so happy for her. “What could happen in such a short amount of time?” I asked inquisitively. “Oh you know, sudden weight gain or loss, something like that. Celebrities with their binge diets and what not.” She explained. I still didn’t remember who the woman was but she didn’t have to know that. I just needed to be happy for her, no reason to tell her I forgot and risk upsetting her…

“Pizza?” I asked already knowing the answer. “Always.” She said smiling. Friday’s were always our pizza night since neither one of us wanted to cook. What are weekends for if not being lazy? For me it was about two uninterrupted days with the woman I loved more than I loved myself. There was nothing she could ever do to make me stop loving her. Nothing. Things may not have been going well for me work wise but as long as I had her, there was nothing else I’d ever want. Nothing. I had never felt this way about another soul and though it was somewhat scary I was ready to take on new adventures as long as she was by my side. “What was that noise?” I asked confused. “The doorbell, silly. You’ve been staring in space for like half an hour.” She teased. “Guess I just got lost in my thoughts again.” I said laughingly. “Well go open the door and get our food so we can get lost in each other.” At that moment my appetite for pizza had diminished as I became increasingly starved for her essence. I would lose myself in her ocean of love and hopefully be lost forever in her pleasure filled abyss. 
-Too distinct the poet
All comments and critiques are appreciated. Thank you. 

Illusions

Feeling more distant as of late

Like this may not have been our fate

Maybe we did it too soon

Instead of you saying yes

You should’ve said lets wait

It’s mostly my fault though

Guess since I reached mine

I didn’t think about your goals

For that I apologize

Sad it took me this long to realize

Obviously I’m still stuck with hopes and a dream

Us being happy, a unit, a team

I mean

Things are just never as they seem.

The Break Up

Break ups are strange. Strange because the people who break up aren’t the same people who started a relationship. See, the goal is to continuously grow together. Unfortunately though, sometimes you only grow apart. In the end you’re stuck looking in the mirror feeling like not only is the person you’ve broken up with unfamiliar, but you don’t even know yourself anymore. 
-Too Distinct the Poet

Untitled (Written May 29th 2015)

You dishonor the father and your mother
When you murder your own brothers over colors

We become fools instead of royalty 

When you as a queens doubt your kings

We become weaker as men if you listen 

To how we speak down on our women 

And trade the name bitch for their givens

One thing I learned…

You get what you earn 

Polo and Jordan’s but mama struggling 

Designer doesn’t mean anything when family still suffering 

Perspective

I just want to be left alone
To go outside and not be ran up on
I want to feel protected when I see police
Not like if they catch me alone they might kill me
I don’t deserve that no one does
For the same reason Rosa kept her place on that bus
I am not less than a white male
I don’t belong in the cages you refer to as jail
My skin tone does not render me useless
I wasn’t born to hang from nooses
I’m not a thing for cops to kill and be abusive
My skin may be dark
But their hearts are darker
I should not be a civil rights martyr
I’m Eric a father and husband
I should not have been choked to death like my life meant nothing
I am Michael a son and a brother
I should not have been shot nor should my parents have to suffer
I am Trayvon and I just wanted to go home
My friend should not have heard me die on the phone
I am Tamir and I just wanted to play
The police shouldn’t have killed me and let my body lay
If I could be white for just an hour
I’d tell the police how #BlackLivesMatter just as much as ours
But I’m black for the rest of my life and that’s fine with me
I just ask that police protect our communities peacefully

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