The Note

I wrote this while alive

But if I’ve died

Its fine

I was already dead on the inside

 

For the smiles I’ve caused

Remember me as such

Know that your happiness mattered to me

Because I was never happy much

 

And if I ever brought you to tears

Know that I was crying myself

I’m sorry for the pain I brought

I was asking the wrong way for help

 

If you felt I left too soon

I’m sorry I couldn’t wait

I dealt with so much under the Sun

I needed to find my moon

 

If I let you down

I just couldn’t keep fighting

I felt like I lost everything

And the future was much too frightening

 

Know that I loved you all

I just couldn’t pretend any longer

I tried to stay up but I’d always fall

All I ask is for you to be stronger

 

I wasn’t as strong as you thought

And for that I apologize

Our memories together will never fade

So remember our good times

 

If I fail in my attempt to be free

If I can’t be the same as I was before

I beg of you to pull the plug

Respect my dying wish and let me be

 

-Too Distinct the Poet

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Messages from LV

1/3Hey, Idk if this is a real number. Even if it is idk if you’re a real person. Either way I needed to tell someone about this crazy shit I go thru so I texted you. First things first, my name’s Lovely but everyone calls me LV. Right now I’m sitting in a brand new BMW afraid for my life. It’s not my car, it’s Zach’s. Zach is…I guess you could say he’s one of my “guy friends” if you know what I mean. Don’t judge me. So Zach is basically being forced to drop off “a package” at these projects in one of the most hood parts of town. I mean like super scary, I wouldn’t have even came her with a black dude. Oh yeah Zach’s white btw. I have no clue what’s in the duffle bag…well…I have an idea. It could be the usual drugs or money. So yeah to sum this up, I’m in a brand new BMW in the hood while one of my fuck buddies who is nowhere near hood is being forced to drop off some shit. You’re probably wondering wtf I did to get here. I’ll tell you in the next message, I have to grab my charger for this one. Xoxo

-LV

Message Read

2/3 K, I’m back. Sorry my phone died and you know they take forever to come back on. So I was telling you how I got into this shit with Zach’s ass. I met him a couple months ago. We were at a coffee shop when he approached me. Usually I’m only here for dark chocolate but sometimes I make an exception. He came cool and respectful on some “idk if you’re into white guys but I’d love to take you out” type shit. So I accepted and fast forwarding we went out about 5 times and tonight while we were fucking…I mean really fucking. He had me calling his ass daddy, smacking my ass while he fucked me from the back and I could tell he’d been with a black chick before because his ass knew not to touch my hair. He could’ve but he probably didn’t wanna risk it. Anyway I’m getting of track. While we were fucking someone was beating on the door of his condo like they were the police. He told me to hold on but it’s not like I could do anything else the way he was going ham on my ass. He threw on some pants and went to the door then I heard this deep ass voice saying some shit like “Where tf is my money, Z?” I got up only to see this big 6 foot something black bald dude looking like he was about to kill Zach. So like any other smart black person I stayed silent in the damn room because I liked Zach and all but I wasn’t about to be the second victim in a double homicide. Fuck naw bih! So I hear Zach tell him “I got your money nigga here, damn!” I was like :-0 obviously his ass wasn’t as afraid as I was. I realized he had to have some type of relationship with the dude because it’s no way he could get away with saying “nigga” to someone he didn’t. The black dude was like “Nah fuck that, you should’ve had it when I first asked for it. I know not to front you shit else. You’re taking this to the spot.” Zach was shook. He started pleading with the dude to just take the money, promising he wouldn’t be late again. He even offered to pay double! I couldn’t understand why Zach wasn’t afraid of this big ass guy but he was afraid of “the spot.” Now I know though :-(. So how did I get here? This dumbass tried to use me as a cop out. I guess he thought baldy would think since I was a women I shouldn’t go and neither should Zach. He got all sensitive like “I got my girl here, man. She don’t belong in places like that. We ain’t got no business there.” So the black guy looks into the room at my nosey, eavesdropping ass and says “take her with you” he said he was going to make sure I went cause he had some people waiting for the package and he would ask them if I was here or not. As much as I would’ve loved to leave Zach’s snitching ass hanging, I wasn’t trying to be a casualty so here I am in this grimey ass hood waiting for Sir Snitch-A-Lot to get back so we can go. I’ve never seen so many crackheads in one place but then again I never grew up in a place like this. My parents kept me far away from anything hood which is probably why I love hood shit so much well…at least I thought I did. It’s dark and all I hear are police sirens and OH SHIT! Gun shots!

Message Read

3/3 Ok I’m home but when I say I didn’t think I’d make it here…Listen, so I was sitting there texting you and then I saw Zach coming out of the spot. The only thing was this motherfucker was running. I mean, he looked like he was running for his life. Turns out he was cause a couple seconds after he ran out, someone was right behind him chasing that ass! Luckily even when he was scared half to death he wasn’t stupid because he put that push-to-start to good use! Once he started the car the guy chasing him stopped running and started shooting at him! I was like “OMG! This too much!” Zach’s ass must’ve taken the red pill though because I could’ve sworn he turned into Neo and dodged everyone of those bullets! Then he got into the car and didn’t say shit to me! After all that, he didn’t bother to explain a damn thing! It’s whatever though. He took me to my car and I brought my black ass home. All I know is that’s the last time I’ll be seeing him. At least I’m safe now. You’re really easy to talk to though. I’ll hit you up later, cool?

Xoxo

-LV

Message Read

The Break Up is Official

Please go check out my video on YouTube. It’s a simple thank you for everyone who has kept up with my series The Break Up. I just wanted to let everyone know that I really appreciate all the advice and critiques as I enjoyed the entire process. The video can be found here. Also I’d ask that everyone check out my new series Messages From LV. I posted only a snippet of it to spark some interest and the rest of the first part will be posted tomorrow morning so be on the look out. If you haven’t already, you can check out the final part to the series The Break Up: Aftermath.  Again, thank you all so much.

-Too Distinct the Poet

Messages from LV

Hey, Idk if this is a real number. Even if it is idk if you’re a real person. Either way I needed to tell someone about this crazy shit I go thru so I texted you. First things first, my name’s Lovely but everyone calls me LV. Right now I’m sitting in a brand new BMW afraid for my life. It’s not my car, it’s Zach’s. Zach is…I guess you could say he’s one of my “guy friends” if you know what I mean. Don’t judge me. So Zach is basically being forced to drop off “a package” at these projects in one of the most hood parts of town. I mean like super scary, I wouldn’t have even came her with a black dude. Oh yeah Zach’s white btw. I have no clue what’s in the duffle bag…well…I have an idea. It could be the usual drugs or money. So yeah to sum this up, I’m in a brand new BMW in the hood while one of my fuck buddies who is nowhere near hood is being forced to drop off some shit. You’re probably wondering wtf I did to get here. I’ll tell you in the next message, I have to grab my charger for this one. Xoxo

-LV

                                               Message Read

This is just something to spark interest in my new short story series. The full story will be posted on Saturday. I hope you all enjoy and as always, comments and critiques are appreciated. Thank you for reading. 

-Too Distinct the Poet

The Break Up: Aftermath

It wasn’t a dream. I just woke up wishing it was. What I wouldn’t do for a genie right now. My first wish would be that I didn’t say any of the things I did last night. I was stuck regretting it all but it just felt so good at the time. To get everything off my chest that I’d been bottling up for months. The way it all spilled out you’d think I was a soda factory. So why was I so hurt? A question I already knew the answer to. It shouldn’t have come out that way. My delivery shouldn’t have been so harsh. She didn’t deserve that and because of it our relationship is probably over. You should always be careful what you say especially when your upset. You should hold your tongue like you would a newborn baby. How could I ever be so careless? If the words were swords then I was throwing knives at her and her feelings where my targets. I’d done more than hurt her, I’d killed her emotionally. Why do we always hurt the ones we love? Is it because the expectations are so high? I’m really not sure but one thing I was sure about was that we were done. Arguments aren’t department stores, you can’t just take things back and everything is fine afterwards. What’s done is done. Maybe we both should have been more open. Then again it’s easy for me to say “we” when I’m the one who caused this. It only takes one small leak to sink a ship yet my statements were an iceberg and her emotions were the Titanic. A catastrophic event for sure. 1 month later…

Staring in the mirror trying to gather myself as I had for the past 30 days. Sometimes it still didn’t feel real. I had finished my novel which helped to take my mind off of her but I couldn’t help but see her as her designs were everywhere. In stores, on celebrities, in magazines and even on television. At one point it was us against the world and then Armageddon happened. Then it was only us against each other. Still staring in the mirror I was left with only a few thoughts…

Break ups are strange. Strange because the people who break up aren’t the same people who started a relationship. See, the goal is to continuously grow together. Unfortunately though, sometimes you only grow apart. In the end you’re stuck looking in the mirror feeling like not only is the person you’ve broken up with unfamiliar, but you don’t even know yourself anymore. 

-Too Distinct the Poet

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