I was stuck to you
Tried so hard to shine for you
Thought you’d be dazzled
This is a new series I’ll be introducing to my blog titled “People in Hell Want Ice Water.” The inspiration comes from a phrase I used to hear my grandmother use anytime someone complained about what they wanted. It was simple, we all want something and sometimes those wants are borderline necessities but no one gets everything they want. Sometimes what we desire isn’t even attainable but that doesn’t stop us from complaining about it, nostalgic thoughts for example. Wanting things to “go back to how they used to be.” Well, I’m here to write about some of the most common complaints I can think of that are either just unreasonable or unrealistic all together. This first segment which will be in two parts, starts with relationships and how they’ve been very rapidly evolving as the “dating scene” has become a smartphone screen. You may love it or you may hate it but it’s definitely here to stay. Now let’s talk about a relatively new stage that can make or break a relationship if it even begins in the first place. That’s right, the “talking stage.”
So the thing about the talking stage is…it doesn’t really have to be a stage. What I mean is some people never really want to go past “talking.” This is heavily dependent on what “talking” includes most of the time. Specifically for men, if we are getting most of someone’s attention it’s usually fine. A person that will text us all day and night and call whenever it’s convenient, well, that mixed with a few spontaneous pictures and if sex is already in play…forget about it. Why would we need to move past the talking stages if we’re getting home cooked meals or take-out and Netflix even? Now if you put the proverbial icing on the cake, and allow intercourse during the talking stage, you’re basically in a relationship via the societal standard. Here’s the kicker obviously, there’s still no form of exclusive commitment. So if a guy is “talking” to this person and they’re doing all of those things, he can still go do the same exact things with other people minus the guilt of fault of wrongdoing. There’s not much else a lot of men would really want. You mix that explanation with the ease of access to people who’d allow those situations via dating apps and social networks and you’ve created an increasingly simple way of having relations without an actual relationship. Hence, making it easier for some people to lose the desire of getting past the talking stage. Logically speaking though, if you’ve been “talking” to someone for over 3 months then you’ll probably just be talking as long you decide to stay silent. You have to be able to not only know what you want but also be willing to communicate and make it very clear to anyone you’re talking to. If they’re not on the same page after you’ve talked the talk then maybe it’s time to show them your legs work and start walking the walk. You have to know your worth and leave them talking to themselves.
Previously we’ve spoken about how the talking stage can somewhat turn into a relationship-esque situation. So what about the people actually attempting to skip the almost unnecessary step? Truthfully, that’s probably your best option. Don’t spend too much time on the phone or texting, make the date your only open availability. You see, we spend so much time behind screen that many people can easily manipulate others as long as it’s on the other side of a screen. I mean seriously, if someone said “I’ll give you $3,000 if you just give me $300” right to your face you’d probably laugh and walk away but you’d be surprised how many people find it enticing when they see it on Instagram. Speaking of Instagram, it’s a great example of how easy it is to create a misleading persona. I’m sure you’ve even seen it from others you know personally. Going out on a date is an easy vetting process to weed out the supposed nice guys or girls from any dating app or even someone you met quickly and only exchanged numbers. Think of it as an interview, you get to ask the questions you want even indirectly and really discover who a person really is, who knows they may even be the right candidate for the job. Dating has changed a lot in recent years consequently creating situations where everyone, male or female with dominant or submissive personalities all has to be willing to “shoot their shot.” All the dating apps that are used by 40 million Americans especially the 51% that believe flattery is the best way to attract someone have embellished our lives. Now we all see numerous options whereas a few years ago we thought we were lucky if someone made a mistake and winked at us while trying to blink. It’s helped push a narrative that makes us feel as if everyone has a chance to be with anyone. Seriously, there are guys who will wait for women to approach them which is completely opposite of what we’ve been accustomed to for decades. Maybe that has a lot to do with the fact that you have about 15 minutes to make a first impression on a man and about an hour on a woman. Now think about how long an average date would usually last. With that being said, dating still works but it’s a fairly new system we’re dealing with and you have to figure out how to operate within it. It’s useless to try to avoid the changes at this point, adapt or die, so to speak. Should it be this way? Maybe, maybe not but at this point we’ve already come too far to turn around. It’s completely understandable if you think we made a wrong turn somewhere. It’s fine if you wish you didn’t have to come along for the ride. We get it, you want to go home but so do the people in hell and I’m sure they’d love a nice glass of ice water when they get there.
The second part will be released same time next Thursday at 7 p.m. Central Time. I hope you enjoyed the read. Remember, all comments and critiques are greatly appreciated.
Photographer: Too Distinct
Model: Tierney L.
Location: Atlantic Station in Atlanta, GA
This photo was shot using 18-35mm lens